| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|01:10 am] |
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you seem like so long ago |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|06:26 pm] |
i would have to say, that i still have the same 2 "best friends" that I have had throughout high school, and one in middle school. Susie and Chelsea. both of them are so astronomically different, its funny that they're my top two friends at all; i can't see them surviving more than 10 minutes on a desert island talking about social or economic politics before one of them jumps of a cliff, if that island happened to have cliffs.
But they are both very unapologetic for who they are, and they are completely who they are. |
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| Well shit son |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|06:17 pm] |
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You ever spend some time reading through your lj's? Taking a look back at all the "problems" and lj drama that went on? Its not possible not to notice how silly it all was. But how wonderful that they were so important at the time. How fantastic that at one point, what other people said about you at school, on lj, etc actually mattered. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|08:40 pm] |
I love chelsea dybdal
matt is really cool too
the end |
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| At least I don't |
[May. 25th, 2005|10:53 pm] |
So i had this thought today about how it would be neat to just stop talking to everyone i know. To just say screw you all and start focusing more on all my own stuff and get a new set of friends and just be different entirely. Maybe even different enough to *gasp* wear a skirt. I've been looking at skirts lately and thinking to myself, "Hey they look kinda neat." Perhaps someday i will decide to wear one.
I am now currently unemployed, just in time for summer. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I figure instead of getting a real job I'll just pet sit for a while. I mean really I've made $500 in a week pet sitting. The only more profitable things for kids my age are drug dealing and prostitution.
I can't wait till this school year is over. Its sucked pretty hard in several dfferent ways. I'm guessing I'll have over 200 missed classes. I haven't gone to first period in a couple of months. It would be pretty neat to just show up the last day of school and be like "Hey I bet you didn't know I was still in your class" and take the final and do awesome on it and get a d- in the class and still pass. |
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| Nice morning |
[Feb. 19th, 2005|11:03 am] |
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I woke up at 7 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so i decided to take my dog for a walk since there is nothing to do at 7 in the morning. I hoped it was going to rain, but alas it was just cold. I went to starbucks, then walked downtown. I went to one of those ridiculous clothes stores, and found a nice t shirt. I really liked it, and expected it to be maybe $25. After all, its just a shirt. But no, I look at the price tag and its $90. I found a jacket I liked and it was $225. Why can't things be reasonably priced anymore? Apperently I look like someone else, because the lady running the store kept asking how i liked the pants I got earlier the week with my mom. People are a lot more friendly to you when they think you might actually buy some of their over priced merchandise. |
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| The start of yet another wonderful day |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|07:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | keyboard buttons | ] |
I am currently sitting in the computer lab doing nothing. Its mind blowing how bad a class this is. My spanish speaking skills have deproved this year. At least we are at the computer lab, so instead of not paying attention and reading my book about jamie fraser and claire and all their hot passionate sex scenes, I am not paying attention and making this crazy exciting entry.
It also occured to me this morning that I have a history test today and no idea what its on. I'm just going to go to starbucks third period and relax. This is going to be the third or fourth test I've missed now. Oh well. I've been pretty nonchalant about most things lately, especially school. I hate school so much. "Never let school ruin your education" as mark twain put it, but its hard not too. I think i might go straight into a UC after all. Or maybe just go to canada and chill with Kim for a bit.
Lord Robinson just got mad at some kid for looking at the KKK website. Mildly entertaining.
Everyone should see hotel rwanda. Its funny how every movie about set in rwanda includes death-by-machete. I doubt that boosts the tourism. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|02:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis...song 9 | ] |
Anyone who would like to go horsebackriding (hopefully next weekend) let me know. |
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| One Day I shall have a tv show all of my own |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|01:23 pm] |
My mom talked to one of her friends who teaches science at an elementry school, and she would like me to come in and bring in some reptiles and talk to the kids about them. That should be pretty neat. I'm definately bringing snowball, and maybe my crested gecko. I'm hopefully going to find a good home for that water dragon I rescued. He's doing great but still looks a bit skinny, and of course his front arm is mangled. I think it would be neat to bring in some animals from work, like the carpet python. The only thing is is she's a BIG snake (14 feet and about 70 pounds) so she's hard to hold. Then also, most of the reptiles there are fairly aggressive and the only reason I've yet to lose a finger is because I know how to handle them. It was pretty funny when I put our argus monitor on a leash and walked him about. I think it would be sick if i could turn my garage into a reptile room. Then I would get the argus monitor (aka sally) because i like her "i'm going to kill you" attitude. And I'd get Aranette. No 34 year old alligator deserves to live in a pet store ;(
To anyone who might want a pet mouse, I have two I would like to find a new home for. They are lady mice and named Paris and Hector. I would also like to find a new home for my RES turtle because her massive 6 foot tank tanks up too much room. Maybe I'll just dig her a more escape proof pond, but its going to take a few years before i get around to it |
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| Je ne peux pas vivie sans toi |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | I don't know the word for it | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis Wonderwall | ] |
Today was kinda neat. Susie took me thrift shopping. I didn't feel particularly like shopping but it was a pretty fun. I got a really nice jacket for only $13 at the first store. I liked the things better at the first store we went to, but holy crap the service was bad. Cayleigh asked how much this one dress cost and the lady completely ignored her. Even more annoying was when susie was standing at the counter, the lady was on the phone for like 5 minutes, hangs up and instead of helping susie just walks away. I didn't recognize Cayleigh without the dreads, but it was nice hanging out with her and susie.
When I got back it was raining a bit, but i couldn't sit still so I took Bogie for a walk to the old burnt bridge. There's something about that spot thats great for sitting in the company of silence. I got some neat pictures of the bridge and the old barn down there, and hopefully I can get my camera to stop being lame and upload them.
Saturday Chelsea is hosting a Valentines Day party. I hope everyone comes, it should be fun.
We had to make crappy paper valentines day cards today. Oh, what a cheerful thing to have to do. Mine looks pretty neat though. Here's what it says
Je t'aime
Je t'adore
Que veux-tu plus encore?
Je ne sais pas
et toi non plus
I still feel like my insides are all shaken up. And my sister is leaving tomorrow. I'm glad. I've been really bitchy to everyone in my family because I just don't have what it takes to put up with them. My parents have been driving me insane, especially my dad. I'm kinda thinking about going to college right after I graduate so i can get away from here. |
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| Adam Corrola is right about everything |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|01:24 pm] |
I was listening to love line last night, and Adam Corrola expressed exactly how I'm feeling with more wit and bluntness than I ever could. This wisdom? Birds suck.
Stan has just been pissing me off. The door bell rings : SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK. The phone rings: SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK The TV is turned on: SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK. You get the picture. He's loud and doesn't do anything. He doesn't talk either. You say "Hello Stan" and he says "sssssss" or "SQUAWK". None of the interesting gibberish other parrots say. Adam was talking about this drunk dude who bit the head off a parrot, and how he sees that man as a hero. I see him as a sick effer, but the parrot hating sentiment was very much true. What do parrots do? They bite and scream loud enough to make your ears bleed and crap everywhere. They effing hurt when they bite.
The face of evil: 
You know what a good pet is? My dog. He kicks ass. He's like having a cuddly fluffy affectionate slave. If i don't want to move to get something, I point in its general direction and he gets it. Everyone should have a servant dog. |
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| songs of right now |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|09:50 pm] |
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About vou now
All the roads that lead you there are winding
Ail the lights that Iight the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You re my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
Your gonna be the one that saves me
Your gonna be the one that saves me
Your gonna be the one that saves me
Oasis
And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Cause there's no more trying to make this so right.
Theres no more trying tonight.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.
I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.
Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.
We'll never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
Until your done.
Early November |
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| Mon dieu, je le regrette |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|04:55 pm] |
Well on the brightside, I seem to have gotten the hang of this annorexia thing. I've been wanting to lose some weight and I've managed to lose 8 pounds simply by not eating or even drinking water for the past three days. I can fit all my older pants that I had pudged up a bit too much to wear.
On the other hand, I am trying very hard not to die and not to cry any more or cut myself, and its the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I think I'm doing a decent job at it though.
I think I'm going to quit my job. Its too stressfull and heartbreaking. I mean, I know I'm weird and probably give too much sentiment to hamsters and parakeets, but its hard not being able to help them. The store owner never takes anything to the vet. I can't do anything about it, I'm trying to save a dragons eye but its not looking too well, the hamster I tried to save was just in so bad shape I had to kill it myself, and I can't stand doing that. I'm not going to go into gross detail about it, but the poor thing was disgusting. Then the store owner keeps breeding these old guinea pigs, and the last one that had babies died and there was one baby left and I tried to bottle feed it and save it but it died in my arms. The guinea pigs are getting mites and scratching themselves raw, but I can't do anything about that. Its just a whole bunch of failures, one right after the other at that place.
Then theres my foster dog. At the meeting the other week, the trainer suggested we ship him off to some life long dog shelter because he's never going to get adopted because hes too shy. She suggested euthanasia too. I can't even help Buster, and I just feel like thats another gigantic failure of mine. Just everything this past month has been really shitty and stressful and I've been taking some of my "angst", if you will, out on Alex and thats what made him leave and I just can't forgive myself for that. I lost out on the best thing thats ever happened to me because I'm so stupid. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|07:07 pm] |
You wouldn't think everything could change so quickly
Lately I've been happier than I've ever been in my life. I go to sleep everynight and can still smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his body. I wake up listening to the cd he burned me and I look at his picture and can't wait till I can see him and hold him and kiss him.
And then today my whole world shattered. I can't even eat. I'm just sick to my stomach at the thought of losing him. I can't even breathe without tears in my eyes. I woke up this morning from a dead drug induced sleep, and then remembered what happened and I just couldn't stop crying. I know I'm pathetic. I want to know what your thinking, I want to know what your feeling and what your going through. The thought of not being with you, of not having any more inside jokes or that closeness we had (or i thought we had) just kills me. And to think that you already have that with someone else is what makes breathing so hard. God, I'm so so so so very sorry for making you feel how you do. I can't just "calm down". I wish I could just go back in time. I know I'm insane. I know its the lamest thing ever to post things like this in your lj, but there's only chels and tara who read this. |
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| just think about the words |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:56 pm] |
light bulb in my room
Eclipsed by many moons
Dressed in my costume
Baby
Photos on the wall
Of ones who have it all
The girls the boys will call
Baby
Its impossible to fight
When you work a hard days night
This is not my voice
This was not my choice
Tthis is somebodies
Baby
They don't know my age
They don't know my name
They just call me
Baby blue
Piper in the woods
Wooed me from my hood
Said i'd be a good
Baby
Sold into a world
Of oriental pearls
Such a pretty girl
Baby
I'm a million faces now
Stolen angel in the crowd
This is not my voice
This is not my choice
This is somebodies
Baby
They don't know my age
They don't know my name
They just call me
Baby blue
If you can hear my voice
Breaking through your noise
No you can't take long
I'll send my name in a paper plane
But you can't take long
St. agnus don't call
Ghosts within these stalls
Den mother calls us
Baby
Theres a dragons tower
In every nations power
This is now the hour
Sri lanka katmandu
I'm in new york city too
This is not my voice
This is not my choice
This is somebodies
Baby
They don't know my age
They don't know my name
They just call me
Baby blue |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|03:19 pm] |
Reading other people's livejournals i realize that mine is terribly uninteresting and has no details or hints about how i'm actually feeling. I personally think thats pretty badass. I don't really get posting your deepest sercet thoughts online for all your friends to read; i usually like to mope and think in solitude.
Outlander is a very good book. Everyone who wants to be cool will read it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|03:39 pm] |
Happy Halloween people.
So......I ended up being a pirate. I was just going to be a pregnant teenage herione addict but tara and jenine said they were going to be pirates. So i grabbed a pirate shirt and found some pirate skirt meant for 6 year olds, grabben stan and was set. I added duct tape labels at taras house and a bandana. Tara and jenines pirate costumes were strikingly simalar to bathrobes.
Then.......walked to Heather's house. Met Heather. Met heather's cousin. Walked to Chelseas house. Cupcake was there. Walked a block then realised cupcake has a car. Then drove to heathers house and proceeded in the trick or treating merriment, followed by listening to sarah sing that badass song she did at talent show.
Today: Tri Valley Animal Rescue has oodles of calanders they need to sell. I took five into school and was hocking them around with catch phrases like "Be cool save a puppy" and giving puppy sob stories. I sold 5 today and netted $37.13. If you read this, you really ought to be cool and buy a tvar 05 calender from me |
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s0lstitialis's journal
